I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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