My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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