If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm getting married
To pizza
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
