Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
