After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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