its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Boobs speak an international language.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
