# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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