I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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