You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
