i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
