This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
