you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
