I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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