i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
