I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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