Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
