we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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