Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
