I'm passing your future prison.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
