the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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