just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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