so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
