butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
