He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
