yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
