Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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