Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
