Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
