I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
