Me too!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
