Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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