I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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