So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
