Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
