end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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