Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
