At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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