I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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