I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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