You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
