i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
