Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
