I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
