just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What a dumb baby whore.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize