I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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