I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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