So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
