My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
