I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
