Cold hands, warm shart.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
