never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
