I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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