wat bout pragnant strippers??
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
