i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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