I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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