on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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