so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
