i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
