We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
