If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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