I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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