I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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