"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
