dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
