i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
