It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
