I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
where am i from again
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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