Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
