This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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