I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
