Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
