Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
