Where are you?
In a non slutty way
someone get that fucking seahorse.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
