i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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