yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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