He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
