Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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